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Saturday, September 29, 2007

How Can It Be Any Better Than This?

In January of this year I left my job. In the months that followed I had some really bad “luck”. I remained unemployed for three months before finding a job as a waitress. Now a sister worked hard for four years and graduated top of her class, the last thing I wanted to be was a waitress. I tried tenaciously to find employment only to be told that I didn’t have enough experience. That was frustrating and it left me BROKE!
Next Many of you know that I had been applying to graduate school. In fact many days graduate school was my impetus for getting out of bed. It was what got me through working at a place where there was complete “dis-order and chaos” I felt like things would get better for me once I got more education and then came the rejection letters. “Dear Crystal we have reviewed you application and regret to inform you….” Well I regretted reading them and even going to the mail.
I became depressed; I felt that I had no direction. To top it all off after graduating many of the people I was closest to moved away...
Disappointed and Despondent, I spent many days in bed because I just didn’t have the psychological strength and motivation to get out. So here I was, jobless, friendless, tired, depressed and that’s when the Enemy decided to really get in my head. He brought on paralyzing panic attacks that left me bottled up in my room for days. He told me I didn’t need to go to church because after all I didn’t feel good and I didn’t have the motivation to get out of bed. Besides if I went I may end up having a panic attack and there would be no one to help me as I commute alone to church. He told me I didn’t have anything to live for after all my Grandmother, who was a parent to me had died a few years ago, I didn’t have a career, I certainly didn’t have any money….He fed me a load of lies combined with a depression/anxiety cocktail and more bad luck than I could possibly mention in this brief sermon. But one thing I didn’t stop doing was praying....
There is something interesting that happens when we are feeling powerless. I’ve hit lots of bottoms in my life. I’ve felt powerless many times. But at the times when we feel most powerless that’s when we began to realize how powerful He is....One day during all this mess I was in I was preparing to take a shower. And as I was cleaning that tub, and running the shower water, I remember the lyrics to [a] Lifehouse song (you can listen to it here). So anyway then I started to hum just a little “you’re all I want, you’re all I need you’re everything”. And I went into my room to take out my contact lenses and I started to sing it “you’re all I want, you’re all I need.” And I went to go get some soap and I started singing. (now I’m realize that I’m here to bless and not curse, so I will spare yall my singing). But I started to sing out loud to God in that bathroom “How can I stand here with you and NOT be moved by you!.” And I remembered my problems and the things that had cut me and the things that kept me away from church, but I also remember God being there with me through it all. And let me tell you as I took that shower I was depressed, I was spiritually and psychologically exhausted. And I looked up and I realized that it was just me and God and he hadn’t gone anywhere.
I started to sing a little louder “How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you.” For those few minutes I felt just how awesome He was. I was miserable, I had problems, but how can I stand in the presence of God and not be moved. I knew the Enemy was listening. So I sang some more “Could you tell me how could it be any better than this” How can it get any better than being moved in the very presence of God. “How could it be… how could it be any better and better than this.!”

This except was taken from a sermon I gave back in May. It is my personal testimony of the goodness of God. Sometimes I'm so wrapped up in my own personal issues or the political/social issues that plague our world that I forget to give God the praise He deserves. My blog isn't a Christian blog per se, but it is a Christian's blog in that I am a professing Christian (a sinner who makes mistakes but believes in God's forgiveness) so that influences my worldview. I think we need to take time to tell God what we are grateful for instead of just coming to him when we need something. I think we should take this Sabbath day to reflect on our relationship with him and what it means to us. If your unsatisfied with your relationship with God, today is a perfect day to get it on track. He's waiting to hear from you.


Shannon Sparks said...

Ugggg...Alan Keyes! Proof that horrible humans come in every color.

I could write an entire essay on why I can't stand that guy...and the fact that he was introduced as "Ambassador Keyes" at the "black" debates..WTF!! I guess the world forgot that when he was an ambassador he supported the pro-apartheid regime in South Africa.

Shannon Sparks said...

yep, under the reagan administration...he refused to support UN sanctions to help end apartheid. not too mention that he's completely nuts...

Katie McLenithan said...

I love that song! I too think of God when i hear it!

It is pretty amazing when we have moments like that, it reminds us who is really in charge and that we have no need to worry about this life here on earth! Keep your head up! Call me if you ever feel like you need a friend to talk to, cuz i am here for ya!

Anonymous said...


I was moved by your post and glad to read you are coping much better.

I just wanted to comment on the issue you have put to vote because I had briefly read something about it in the IR community.

I think a blogger is well within his/her right to request payment for their blog/web. And if that blogger is female, Woohoo.. all the better! :)

Historically, we earn less than men, are afraid to ask for raises, run less lucrative businesses and so on. Why? I think a lot of has to do with socialization-how women are socialized.

If a man decided to get paid for something he enjoyed doing and for which there was significant demand, people would applaud him.

So I say we make the applause equal across board regardless of sex. Applaud any one(Male or Female) who is successful at implementing a lucrative business idea and wish them the very best.



feistyshy said...

Hi Crystal

I came across your blog address on C1's blog. I am really glad I checked you out. Your blog is turning out to be on of the most refreshing and honest ones that I've come across.

I hope things get better for you; I know this is cliche, but God truly does not give us more than we can handle. And besides, things could be worse.