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Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Happy Valentines Day Everybody!

And so it is that another Valentines Day is upon us! This is the scariest pagan holiday of our year. A holiday of monsters, ghouls, and long departed souls. A celebration of all things evil and decaying. Yes, my friends, it’s time for us to go trick and treating, set fire to stuff, dress up as things we are not, and revisit haunting, long gone relationships of our past. Now that’s spooky!

Valentines day is a morbid day of cemetery walks, sugar rushes, and frightening romantic comedies at the box office, but unfortunately our modern society has turned this perfectly innocent day of death into a capitalistic enterprise. So tragic that this refreshingly sordid day should be turned into a day of consumerism and avarice. While we gorge ourselves with candy, it seems like every store is having some kind of holiday sale. Costumes for sale, candy for sale, pumpkins for sale, candy apples with razor blades inside of them for sale!! Oh what have we done to the depraved occult-centered festivity we now call Valentines Day!

Hold on a second. Some one leaning over my shoulder just told me that it’s not Valentines day!!! What!!! It appears I have mixed up my holidays again folks. I’m so sorry, but I just keep getting these two self-centered, meaningless, and mournful holidays all mixed up. C’mon you can’t blame me. Candy corns? Conversation hearts? Costumes? The faƧade of superficiality? Death? The destruction our relationships? Gaudy decorations? Watching your teeth rot or watching thoughtless, cheap flowers rot in a tacky vase? Will someone please explain to me the difference!

Or perhaps it doesn’t really matter what the difference is as our relationships are failing quicker than our stock market and so far there’s no marriage bailout plan. Narcissism reigns and we are lost in an orgy of our own cupidity. All around us things are dying, yet we feel the need to pay to watch death in every brutally gruesome form imaginable portrayed on the big screen. We adorn ourselves with skulls and crossbones, and then scream that we want to be free to live life. We concern ourselves with the rights of those not yet born but we are callously indifferent to the plight of our soldiers who die everyday. Any way I’m tired. This whole world is far too much for one cynical blogger. So happy Valentines Day or Halloween or whatever “hollow day” it is. Maybe we can get together and conjure up the long-forgotten spirits of morality and altruism.

Ha! No, I still don’t believe that.


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