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Sunday, November 1, 2009

An Analysis of Hate

I look like a normal grad student. Professional dress, hair pulled back in a stylish bun, black purse draped across one shoulder, boldly marching off to class or running frantically to finish another project. On the surface I appear intelligent and friendly, but inside there is what I have termed a “justifiable hatred”. The truth is, I hate men. Now before you start some kind of speculative psychoanalysis I have to explain that I have a great relationship with my Dad, who I have written about in many places on this blog. There are also many males I love, my brother, my family members, and friends. Lastly, I have never been raped, beaten, or physically abused by a man. On the contrary my break-up stories are not traumatic or heartbreaking like many of the stories I have heard from friends.

My hatred manifests itself in different ways. I have been know to show brief affection to some males, to engage in casual banter, and even to go out of my way to assists some of them. But my regard for most of them (with the exception of family members) is always tainted with some contempt. Now I am not interested in dating them. I'm simply talking about trying to have meaningful friendships with the other gender. This hatred reveals itself in passive aggressive remarks, sarcasm, eye-rolling, direct confrontation, and blunt dismissals. I just can't help thinking that they are somehow beneath me and to make matters worse their own behavior buttresses my belief in their inferiority.

Why do I feel this way? The vast majority of them are chronically lazy. They are incapable of intelligent, thoughtful conversation. They are habitual liars almost incapable of telling the truth. They do not possess any empathy or depth of emotion, just superficial, sexually-based feelings. They are morally impotent, incompetent, arrogant, sociopathicly self-centered, and bankrupt of any authentic character. This has been my experience of the Christian male, and the atheists, white and black, rich and poor. Yet this venomous species lives a life of selfish ease. They are guaranteed the top positions in society, based solely on their gender. They enjoy simultaneous sexual relationships with a plethora of single, beautiful women. They need not fear loneliness or pain. They need not be attractive or witty. To quote one feminist writer “men's physiology defines most sports, their needs define auto and health insurance coverage, their socially designed biographies define…successful career patterns…their experiences and obsessions define merit”... and essentially they are promised every advantage, not because of any hard work or character, but simply on the basis of their genitals. That in a nutshell is why I hate men.

It is this unmitigated injustice that plagues my thoughts and emotions. It interferes with my spiritual development and stunts my relationships. I am keenly aware that as a Christian I am not supposed to think this way. Yet, I cannot help but wonder, how is it that their inadequacies are rewarded while women's sagacity and dedication is trampled on. This is my internal struggle: I am commanded to love everyone, and that includes the parasitic male species.

I could go on and on with examples and statistics to support my point of view, but I will share just one brief story. I attended a Christian development conference. Of course you understand that because the conference was spiritually-related that the attendees were mostly women. Most of them were young, attractive, and perhaps more Christian that I am. Many were missionaries, intellectuals, of all shapes, backgrounds and ethnicities. I happen to come with one of the few males there. He is of average attractiveness, slender and effeminate. He is not charismatic,or particularly charming, intellectual or humorous. He is just a garden variety male-- a regular Joe. I could go on and on about Joe's past, but out of some sense of compassion for him that is perhaps undeserved I will protect his identity.. Now at this particular event Joe is hit on, and flirted with, not because of any quality he might possess, but solely based on the poor ratio of men to women. Joe realizes his fortune and seeks to use the opportunity to his advantage, interviewing prospective women to insure that he gets the best women when in reality should he end up with the worst behaved and least attractive women in the group he would have left off with his superior! This situation bothered me. It bothered me more when I returned to my hotel room and talk to three of the most beautiful women. None of them had ever had a boyfriend all of them were in their 20's, college educated, deeply spiritual and still holding out for hope that one day they might find some wonderful man. Statistically, they may not even find a Joe, no less then the quality industrious man they long for and deserve. My heart breaks for them

As it does the other women I have talked to. The divorced sisters, the abused sisters, the sisters with low self-esteem, the broken-hearted ones that call me crying, the ones who ask me “why am I single?” when if life were the least bit fair they wouldn't be, the ones who dress provocatively for the hope that someone might appreciate their beauty and acknowledge their worth, the ones who keep hope alive in vain waiting for a man who does not exist, the sisters who are cheated on, demeaned, taken advantage of, unappreciated, raped, and scorned...they break my heart and reinforce my opinion of the insidious male species. These sister's make me ask where is justice?

...And the Joes, the extra regular dudes, the baby daddies, the liars, cheaters, drunks, and unscrupulous patriarchal dregs of society live happily ever after so that they might inflict pain another day.


Angel said...

GIRL YES! I have these thoughts ALL OF THE TIME! At least once a week I see an "average joe" situation and get pissed. Sometimes I feel like a hater, but I dont care. It isnt fair! LOL. It's like ppl EXPECT me to settle for some BS. NO! JUST SAY NO!

lol. Hope u doing well Crystal. :)

Heidi v. said...

Hey, I came across your blog.

I'm married. I sometimes talk with unmarried friends, 20 - 25 years old, and they always say 'My husband will be perfect' and 'My husband will be extraordinary because I am extraordinary' and 'I'm waiting for my prince'. I really do believe that, even though my friends should not settle, that they should lower their expectations.

Don't get me wrong, people shouldn't marry or date someone that they don't find attractive, that they don't want to have kids with, that they don't find suitable...but absolutely no man out there, (on first date/first look) will seem like Prince Charming! And if they do, they will have flaws. My husband is not Prince Charming, but he is kind, gentle, sweet, loving...and he loves me. He has baggage, I have baggage. And you know what? He is just an average man and I am an average woman and we are just trying to make it through.

Just wanted to add my contribution.

Anonymous said...

I'm married, but regardless of that fact, what you have just stated in your "Analysis of Hate" is a very broad generalization of men. Yes, because they are human, many do posses the flaws that you outlined. However, many really strive to not fall into those stereotypes. As with any relationship, you must seek to get to know the person before making the assumption that he is like every other "Joe" that you've come in contact with. It's a cliche but it's very true. You shouldn't judge a book by it's cover. Put yourself in the shoes of those men who you just judged. How would you like for someone to associate you with flaws that they feel EVERY woman possesses. This is their only basis for not getting to know you, your special qualities, and the value that you are able to bring to a relationship; plutonic or romantic. I'd like to see a blog from you about how you categorize women. Do you think that women possess any of the characteristics that you outlined in this blog. Are women exempt? I know you spoke about how you have a wonderful relationship with your father and brother, but guess what? They are men, so if you're going to generalize, then apply the same things to them If that makes you uncomfortable, then take a step back and really try and get to know people for who they are uniquely, not as a group. Finally, I know you conceded that this is not how a Christian should view others, so maybe this should be a basis to really embrace the fact that we should love others just as Jesus showed us in his word.

Anonymous said...

Greetings, I would like to leave a few comments, if you don't mind. Firstly, your criticisms of men can be applied to mostly anyone. I am a man, and I used to struggle with resenting women because some had acted like, and even said that a woman should be allowed to be as wicked as she desired without any consequence from men. Something about chivalry.
Now, I have seen that most PEOPLE are shallow, wicked, cruel, and liars. I have seen people of both genders gossip because they were bored, steal because they could, and lie because it benefited them. I am pleased that you are a Christian, as in my walk only Jesus was able to heal my MASSIVE hatred of everyone. That hatred was due to being made the outcast of every group, no matter how small or unpopular, for my formative years.
Anyways, I understand true hate, and hope you seek healing from Jesus, because time WONT heal these wounds. However, I can make a few suggestions that may help. I recommend changing your language as our words define our thoughts. Use words that reflect this is how you feel, not how it is. Also talk this out in person with someone you trust, someone who can give you sound Christian council preferably. I hope you find healing because hate, like all sins, festers and grows till it consumes everything about you.
Oh, I would say something about how not all men are like you you describe them, but that would be... small of me. I just hope you remember to reevaluate us as you progress in your walk with Jesus.

P.S. I really can't stand the kind of person you described either.