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Wednesday, June 9, 2010

The Blog: Past, Present, and...Future??

This particular post is dedicated to those who have been reading the blog since day one. You all know, back when the blog was called “Crystal's Random Blog”.Almost 3 years ago on July 7th 2007 the blog was born. To date I have written 87 different posts not including the current one. I am a different person from when I first started the blog, yet in many ways I am the same. I like to go back and reread the archives just to remember the old me: fiery and uncertain, unapologetic yet insecure, sarcastic and probably just a little irreverent from time to time. What changed? Well sad to say I am not 22 anymore. I miss 22, but I really never want to be that dumb again. In fact, in just a few months I will be celebrating my 26th birthday—that's a long way from 23 fears. And yes I am still terribly afraid of growing older.

My hopes initially when starting the blog were to “impale people with the truth”, promote honest discussion, and challenge peoples traditional opinions and ideas. I started this blog a year after I graduated college. I was feeling alone. I needed an outlet. I felt like my life was stuck in nowhere and I longed for the mental stimulation that I was not getting from my dead-end job as a strawberry dipper (I really was a strawberry dipper see here for more info). Moreover, I was tired of reading other people's commentaries and opinions. I felt I had a voice and that a blog was one vehicle I could use to make it heard.

Along the way I made some good friends. Mostly from my most popular post “I'm not buying it” which was a response to a fellow blogger who was charging black women to read her blog on how to get white husbands. LOL. Yes I was a bit to hard on her, but I apologized in my post “I'm still not buying it”. That blog got me a whopping 15 comments but it made me pretty notorious in the blogosphere as I found links to my blog all over the web LOL. Funny thing is that I'm not happy that such a blog was my most successful and I'm kinda sorry that people stopped reading my blog because I failed to deliver more anti-Evia content. That's not my style and I hardly think that was any of my best writing.It seems the blogs I like the most are the ones that received the least traffic. Irony.

I also made friends with a religious conservative who frequented my blog during it's early days mostly as a courtesy because I read some of his stuff. Later, I exchanged comments with an openly gay political blogger who's humor I richly enjoyed. I only stopped reading his blog as it became a bit too vulgar for my particular taste. (Hello, friend wherever you are? I hope you have finally found solace). I even experimented with vloging but found that it was not really my style as I'm not much of a video editor. It's sad that I didn't get into the vlogging game back in 07. Now black women vloggers are taking over youtube talking about topics that I addressed ages ago here. Sigh. I could have been one of those women, but you live and learn.

On this little dot in cyberspace I have been loved, hated, and everything in between. It really has been an interesting ride and I don't regret any of it. That's why I have not deleted my old posts, even if I don't agree with them anymore because I am in a different space now. I know that those post represented an important growing time in my life. I can't just delete my past because it has helped to mold me into who I am today.

So over the years I have covered such topics as the presidential election, domestic abuse, relationships, my breaks ups, ethical quandaries, eugenics, panic disorder, breast implants, the Jena 6, graduate school and everything in between. I have stripped myself bear recording my failures, and successes, my joy and my pain.

Then on New Years day 2009 the blog changed! The name was changed to Crystal's Purposeful Blog, emphasizing my belief that life is not just random, but that it does indeed have purpose. My writing then took on a more spiritual tone, focusing on the existence of God, the importance of Biblical prophesy, the sabbath, my own spiritual struggles, and my ever-growing love/hate relationship with the media. 2009 was a somber year. After I moved here I rediscovered a passion for God that I had not had in years. I wanted and still want the whole world to share my passion. Yet I realize that I have probably alienated most of the people who used to read this blog. That hurts a lot because my faith is such an important part of who I am. I thought I could use this blog, instead of a sounding block for my trivial opinions, as a way to evangelize, to bring people to make solid decisions for Christ. I have failed in that attempt. So what next?

I am still on fire for God, and yes I am unapologetic (as always) about that! But I also want to try to focus on other topics ( which of course will be infused with my Christian perspective). I long to explore other aspects of my faith, yet still write about social, political, and random topics. I think with all my transitions, grown-up responsibilities (rent? Bills?), that I lost the essence of what this blog is and what it meant to me. At the end of the day one of the things that has not changed about me as I continue to evolve is my LOVE of writing. That's what I lost! In typing up a witty note on my facebook page the other day I re-discovered why I used to write :To be funny, to humorously express serious things, to receive feedback, to poke fun at myself and the world around me, and most importantly, because it's my ever-burning passion. I think that's why I've not written consistently these past months. I lost my drive. I got fed up the that blog wasn't as successful as I'd fantasized it being, I got sad that no one was reading it, and forgot the promise to myself that even if no-one ever read me I'd still write.

So what's the future of this blog? I don't know. For one thing I have a thesis to write (though admittedly it would be kind of funny to talk about my experience with that). Then, I'm not sure if I want to export my blog to a safer site. Apparently, I have attracted a spamming troll who harasses me everyday by leaving sexually explicit comments and links on my posts. (GET A LIFE STUPID TROLL!). It's a bit frustrating that I have to have comment controls, and yet even with these safeguards the troll returns over and over again with different aliases. And then there is the fact that I'm not sure what kind of writer I want to be. Can I really find a way to share my faith, while being relevant, funny, and outspoken? Maybe. Will my blog ever have any real impact on anyone, particularly concerning their spiritual considerations? I don't know. Lots of unanswered questions. So the future of this blog is up in the air.

Leave me a comment and let me know what you think I should do.

If I never write another blog again know that I have loved doing what I do. I have love you (all 2 of you that still read me), and that you and this blog have really made a difference in my life. Thanks,

Crystal Clear

1 comment:

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