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Sunday, October 26, 2014

How Men Can Be More Successful Dating Online

After writing an open letter to single women, a friend of mine encouraged me to write a post that was geared more to the single male. Against my better judgement, or perhaps as my patriotic duty, I am here to offer men some advice if you are SERIOUS about meeting a woman online. Men on dating sites are constantly complaining that they send out tons and tons of messages but get few (if any) responses back. These tips will help place you head and shoulders above your contemporaries and make you a more successful online dater.

1) Your profile picture. Take 2 whole minutes and really really think about what picture to post as
Not a good idea for your dating profile
your main photo and what it says about you. Remember this is online dating. A person has a second to decide whether or not to click on your profile or to go to the next one. Your profile picture will literally be the deciding factor for whether or not someone wants to talk to you or keep it moving. I know that sounds shallow, but consider that online there are thousands of other profiles! You're a lil fish in a big pond (and, no, Plenty of Fish did not inspire that last line). You may be tempted to post the shirtless photo, but what kind of a woman do you hope to attract by doing that? The photos of you getting wasted, those pix of you holding a gun, the one of you in your Halloween costume, the one where your face is obscured, of you with another woman (who cares if she's your sister!) or with a woman cleverly (or not so cleverly) photoshopped out of it are not good bets. Other runners up for bad photos include the phone in the mirror selfie, the classic bathroom selfie, and the one with you standing with a large group of people. Have a close female friend select a nice photo of you looking intelligent and charming.  Then post a few more of you smiling, acting like a civilized human being, and fully clothed. (FYI you do not have to post a bunch of pictures of your international travel. One or two are cool, but save your scrapbook for the real dates).

2) Your profile. Where do I start? In a few words I need you to describe yourself, what you do, what you are looking for, and why we should care. Simple. Swearing makes your sound dumb. Poor attention to grammar makes you look dumb. Name dropping--Dumb. Trying to sound intelligent by using obscure words or antiquated language makes you look dumb. Talking about how you hated your last girlfriend(s), how there are no good women out there and how nice guys always finish last makes you look, you guessed it, dumb. Oh and for those of you hoping to come off as the strong silent type and refusing to fill in your profile, you not only look dumb, but you look like a douchebag too!

3) Honesty. We know you are not 6'2 and that you do not make over $100,000 a year. Don't even go there! In fact while we are on the subject, don't even post your income at all. If you feel the only thing you have to offer is your money, than you are only going to attract those women who are only interested in spending it. Besides in a real life, face to face interaction would you really tell a stranger how much money you make?

This was literally his first email. He just invited me to be his baby mama.
4) Cut and Paste. You think you are so smart cutting and pasting flirtatious messages then sending them to every pretty face you see. No, you are not smart and you will rarely get responses that way. First, use the search features to narrow down the particular kind of woman you are looking for. Then read her profile. Yes, I know it's tough, but I have full confidence that you are indeed capable of reading! Find something of interest to talk about. The one word "Sup" in a message, however poetic you believe it to be, makes you look dumb. "Hi, I'm John, I noticed you like the movie the Count of Monte Cristo too. It is one of my favorites. What's your favorite scene?" is a much better introductory message.  This shows that you read her profile (at least your skimmed it) and that you would like to engage her in conversation. Heck, even, "Hello. I'm Frank. How's your day going?" is a step up.
Another real first message. 

5)Integrity. I know it's a big word and sort of a lost art, but we should all strive to be people of

integrity. This includes online as well. Your character is not just determined by the large decisions you make, but by your day to day choices and how you treat other people. Live life by the golden rule: treat people the way you want to be treated. Seriously! It is easy for us to point to examples of morally bankrupt people and wonder how they got that way, but in doing so we forget that each of us has a huge propensity towards evil.  Choose to be a trustworthy person-- a person with bone-deep integrity. A person any woman, online or in real life will want to be with.

Thanks for reading,

For tips on how to evolve from general douchebaggery to charming gentlemen please see this article

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