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Monday, March 13, 2017

Top 5 Reasons Not to Marry a Black Man


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Money taking, heart breaking and you wonder why women hate men!--Lauryn Hill 


I have often said that one of the most difficult things about being a black woman is having to date black men. I have talked a little about about how to date black men  in a tongue in cheek sort of way, but I would like to offer you some insight into why it's not a good idea to marry them.
So here are reasons you may NOT want to consider dating/marrying a black man.

1) You want a spiritual head of your house. Black men and Christianity go together like hot dogs and oatmeal. Even the kindest and most well-meaning of black men I have met is terribly estranged from faith. The most you can hope for is his company at church and maybe a rushed grace over dinner. Don't expect him to make sound spiritual decisions. Don't expect him to lead you in family worship or to be able to lean on him if you need some spiritual encouragement. 

2) Lack of sexual integrity. The black community is bereft of black fathers. As a result there are few role models to teach men how to treat and value women and how to best manage and appreciate their sexuality. Consequently, you see more cheating among black men than any other race. Now before I get hate mail, let me explain that there are three ways black men choose to cheat: Emotionally, Mentally, and Physically. If you are lucky he will choose to cheat on you emotionally and mentally. It's really not a matter of if he will cheat, simply when he will cheat. PS. Mentally cheating is porn, strip clubs, sex saturated TV, and intentionally fantasizing about any person other than you. Usually mentally cheating is the precursor to emotionally and physically cheating.  

3) Poor finances. Let's face it, black men have horrible finances! Even the 2 or 3 who manage to make a good living often manage their money poorly. The rest are drowning in debt, unemployed (or refusing to find gainful employment), or live so far above their means that their financial status hangs on a tenuous thread. 

4) Irrevocable sexism. As discussed on previous posts, black men benefit sexually from sexism. Much the same as white supremacy works to keep blacks and other minorities in positions of subjugation and white people in positions of power, black male sexism bolters the black male status and ego and does so on the backs of women. Don't believe me? Ask your man how comfortable he is with women being referred to a b's and whores. Consider the type of music he listens to (Hint: It's usually hip hop which has a history of disgracing black women with brutally misogynistic lyrics). Now before you give me the side eye, understand that there are degrees of sexism just as there are degrees of racism. Just like all racists don't wear sheets and burn crosses, all sexists aren't raping and killing women. Some are simply disparaging women when with their male friends, judging women solely on their anatomy, abusing women through dishonesty and infidelity, or remaining silent in the company of male friends when women are being abused or referred to in pejorative terms. 

5) Body counts. Now not all women have a problem with, uh, experienced men so this may not be a negative for you. While the average man has had sex with 7 partners. with black man that average doubles or even triples. Google it! Black men run through women like Usain Bolt does finish lines. If promiscuity is your thing, you'll find no shortage of it in black men. 

6) Bonus: Baby Daddy! Let's be real. How many black men of marrying age don't have children (usually multiple children) from various partnerships and hook ups. That means that not only do you get to play mommy, but you get the unfortunate circumstance of dealing with 'da baby mama'. Not fun. Not fair. 

I am sure I could keep going, but I'll stop there. Let me know if you have any you want to add by writing in the comment section. BTW before I hear it, yes there are a few black men who don't fall into any of those categories, but those brothers are so rare that they are practically on the brink of extinction. 

Til next time! 






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